human BEAN

Yesterday I was so proud of myself for catching Bean’s pee in a frying pan I was doing a little jig.  First shot and bam, I got it!  “I’m good,” I thought to myself.  Came inside and got a plastic cup, covered it with plastic wrap and headed down the road to the vet.  My excitement over my pee catch overshadowed any other feelings, I was just plain giddy. 

I parked and walked on in with my see through cup filled a quarter of the way with dark yellow and came up behind an old gentleman in line.  The technician then told him “the cost for the euthanasia is … and the cremation is …”  My thoughts turned from giddy to aww, this poor fella, I wonder what type of animal he had.  I stood there with my pee and waited for the technician on the phone.  Once she hung up she promptly took Bean’s pee and said she’d be right back.  As the old man slowly finished writing his check, he was asked if he wanted a “few minutes.”

I hadn’t realized it, but right next to him was a crate.  There was his beloved cat, the entrance to the crate facing the other direction.  He quickly said, “nope, I’m all set,” and started to turn away.  I couldn’t help myself.  I turned around and looked him in the eye and said “I’m so sorry for your loss" and put my arms out.  We hugged tightly and he cried, my eyes welt up with tears thinking someday that will be us with Bean dog. 

Little did I know this would be the day.  The very next day.  We had to make the decision last night, in our hearts we know it’s the right thing to do.  From her urine test we found out she has further kidney failure.  We can’t let her suffer.  She has been an absolute beyond blessing to us.  We’ve had her since before kids, since before we lived in this house.  She was here with each bringing home of our kids for the first time.  She’s been such an amazing part of our lives.  A constant... loyal companion.  Brought us joy and financial despair (kinda kidding J - she did a LOT of damage as a puppy to include drywall, crates, fencing, metal flashing, plexi-glass, numerous pillows, boxes, shoes, kids toys, etc). 

I’m glad I shared that hug with the old man, that’ll help me through today.  Erk made the appointment for this afternoon.  Between now and then I want to enjoy her, not just sob all day.  We’ll see how that goes. 

This one, she hasn’t been just a dog; she’s more of a HUMAN BEAN.